The AFC East is clearly one of the weakest
divisions in the NFL. Sure the Patriots are the best team in the league for the
30th year in a row, but the rest of this division is horrid. The Dolphins live
in a constant state of mediocrity, and the Bill and Jets are just phoning it in
until Brady retires. Every season, the AFC East poses the question, “Why even
bother watching the regular season this year?” After so many years of watching
the Brady/Belichick machine, I still have no answer to that question. So, who
will win this horrible division? Lol, like I even have to ask...
New England Patriots (Last Season: 13-3)
2018 Prediction: 12-4
There is no team in this division that has the
capability of beating the Patriots. A 6-0 division record is basically assured.
I would not be surprised if this division were wrapped up by Week 10, as this
is the worst that the AFC East has been in quite some time. If Belichick is
smart, he will rest his starters until Week 16, since the regular season is
effectively just a prolonged preseason for the team with the easiest path to
the playoffs. I guess homefield advantage throughout the playoffs is nice, but
wouldn’t it be more advantageous to have no injuries and an entire roster of
fresh players at your disposal come January? Just saying Bill, maybe you should
take my advice. If you really want Brady to play until he is 50, you may need
to rest him for at least half of all future regular season games. Even without Brady, the Patriots would probably find a way
to win those games anyways, as they have shown the ability to do so in the past.
For now, the division waits in
hibernation until the Belichick/Brady era finally ends. Until then, the
Patriots may as well book their Conference Championship game in Foxborough,
since there is very little stopping them from reaching that point.
Miami Dolphins (Last Season: 6-10)
2018 Prediction: 8-8
The return of Ryan Tannehill means a return to
mediocrity. No one is better at maintaining a .500 record than Tannehill and
his Dolphins. I’ve pulled this stat before, but I like it so much that I’ll do
it again. Over his career, Tannehill is nearly a perfect .500, currently
sitting at 37-40. Over his first five seasons in the league, his records have
been 7-9, 8-8, 8-8, 6-10, & 8-5. That’s mediocre! While his trajectory
currently looks good, I’m not convinced, so I’ll stick with the tried and true
method of predicting another .500 season for Miami and Tannehill.
I’m still pretty confused about why Miami even
bothered to bring in the incredibly unmotivated Jay Cutler to lead this subpar
team to another disappointing finish last season. For his entire career, Cutler has been
considered a solid quarterback, which baffles me because his only quality stat is Games Started. Chicago put up with him for so long that they
basically threw away eight years. Over eight seasons, Cutler amassed a record
of 51-51 (.500!) with Chicago, going 1-1 (.500!) in the playoffs. And still, Miami thought that
it would be beneficial to salvage their already lost season by bringing in an even more mediocre quarterback,
hoping to win a a couple extra games. As you know, the Dolphins managed six meaningless wins last season. I know it's easy to say in retrospect, but bringing in Cutler to salvage six wins was absolutely pointless. However, in defense of Miami's decision, virtually all of their seasons are pointless.
New York Jets (Last Season: 5-11)
2018 Prediction: 5-11
The Jets are simply not interested in
challenging for the division until Brady has retired. Come Monday night, Darnold will
be starting in his first NFL game, and all that New York can hope for is that
he survives. There is rarely a benefit to starting a rookie quarterback, as
that first year is almost always rough, but the Jets don’t care. As far as New
York sees it, Darnold just needs to be primed for success when Brady retires in
ten years. Only then will the Jets make a real push to win games.
As easy as it is to predict that the Jets will
suck (they always do), I still love this franchise. The New York Jets are such
a historically self-deprecating team. From Geno Smith having his jaw broken by
a teammate’s preseason sucker punch, to Rex Ryan being allowed to coach this
team for SIX SEASONS, the Jets will always provide wonderful moments that can
allow me to say, “well at least I’m not a Jets fan.” With that being said,
nothing makes me happier about the Jets than one miraculous Thanksgiving Day play
in 2012. I think we all still remember where we were when we saw Mark Sanchez
commit the greatest NFL play of all time, the Butt Fumble. I love watching that damn play. I can’t believe it was six whole
years ago...
Buffalo Bills (Last Season: 9-7)
2018 Prediction: 4-12
This franchise deserves nothing good. After
spending 3 seasons of performing the painstakingly difficult task of keeping
the Bills out of the gutter, Buffalo thanked Tyrod Taylor by booting him out of
town. The Bills, one of the most hopeless franchises in the league, finally
made the playoffs last year for the first time since 1999. And their response?
Blow it up. Break down the roster and start over. It’s hard to feel bad for
this team, as they simply just don’t understand how to succeed. They finally had
a steady option at quarterback to build around, and they decided to instead
start over.
As you may have already heard, the Bills will be starting NATHAN PETERMAN in this season's opener. That’s right, Nathan Peterman. If that name sounds familiar
it is because Peterman was the centerpiece for one of the greatest midseason
quarterback decision gaffes in NFL history. With Taylor playing well enough to
keep the Bills in playoff contention for the first nine games of the season (they were 5-4 at the time), Sean
McDermott decided that Week 10 would be an ideal time to throw his rookie quarterback
into the fire. Peterman... did not play well. His performance was a huge disappointment, as he became
only the 4th quarterback in NFL history to throw 5 interceptions (on only 14
attempts!) in a single half of football. Taylor took over for Peterman in the 3rd quarter
with the game already completely out of reach.
So, congratulations Buffalo, you get a full
season of Peterman now! Well, in reality, the Bills will probably only get a few weeks of
Peterman. After his inevitable 0-4 start, it will be Josh Allen’s turn to have
his confidence totally shattered by this franchise. In short, everything involving the Buffalo Bills is hopeless. It won't be long before Buffalo's front office realizes how good they had it with Taylor. After another inevitable failure of a season, the Bills will be wishing with all their might that they had Taylor back behind Center, and
that’s exactly what this sad, sad franchise deserves.
So, as you can see, the AFC East is horrible. I
wonder if the NFC West is any good…
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