I’m back! The NFL season is fast approaching, and I still have a ton of predictions to write! This year, I decided to go with a new format, breaking up the season preview into multiple parts. Hopefully you like it. So, without further ado, I give you Part 1 of the Brosh Knows Football Season Preview. Let’s start with “Teams That Are Dumpster Fires.”
If you’ve ever been to a Raider game, you know that every game starts with the same nonsense. An old Raider legend - or (more recently) some Raider no name since they are running out of household names - lights the torch that signifies Al Davis’s Eternal Flame. Then, over the loudspeaker, a Davis quote is announced, “The fire that burns brightest in the Raiders organization is the will to win.” Well, these teams are the Dumpster Fires of Al Davis Eternal Flames. For these teams, I say, “The dumpster that burns brightest is the most inept management trying to put together the most embarrassing football teams in the NFL, year after year.” Here are your brightest NFL dumpster fires:
New York Jets (Last Season: 5-11)
2017 Prediction: 1-15
HAHAHAHA. This team is so bad. The Jets ponied up BIG money to sign the NFL’s perennial backup, Josh McCown. For a normal team, a McCown signing usually indicates that all hope is lost because your first three options have gone down the toilet. For the Jets, this is option 1. Well, at least he has plenty of good receiving targets… actually, I just looked at the roster, and I don’t recognize a damn name. Unless Seferian-Jenkins reels in 175 catches this season (fun fact: Seferian-Jenkins is suspended for the first two games of the season!), this passing attack is royally screwed. With such a woefully poor offensive attack, every opposing defense will be sure to plug the box, eliminating any chance the Jets had of having a professional-looking running game. Expect lots of 2 yard carries into massive walls of defensive linemen for Forte and Powell. With such a terrible roster, the Jets seem destined for the first pick in next year’s draft. However, it’s the Jets, so expect them to even screw that up. They will most likely lose it to the…
Cleveland Browns (Last Season: 1-15)
2017 Prediction: 2-14
In NFL history, no team’s dumpster fire has burned brighter than that of the Cleveland Browns. Over the last 350 or so NFL seasons, the Browns have been the joke of the league. This team started tanking before tanking was even cool. And what do they have to show for it? One NBA Championship (though I think it’s unrelated to the Browns). But seriously, after so many seasons of tanking, one would expect the Browns to have at least stumbled upon some elite draft prospects, right? WRONG. While Myles Garrett looks like he has the potential to be a great player, he is certainly not the savior of the Browns. He said it himself,
“I can't be a savior. But I can be the best I can be. I can give it my all and make plays and dominate my side of the field, but it takes all 11 guys with a certain thought process that we're going to go out there and we're going to win."
Based on Garrett’s comments, the team is only 10 guys away from being good again (one closer than last year!). That is the reason I predict that they will DOUBLE last year’s win total.
As usual, the quarterback situation in Cleveland is a complete mess, as Osweiller, who was traded to the Browns as a cash dump for the Texans, was first in line for the starting job. However, he has finally lost it to the most unlucky man in the world, DeShone Kizer. Kizer is about to get the rudest of NFL welcome parties. Expect Kizer to spend lots of time scrambling, laying on his back, and/or throwing to receivers not running the correct routes. The future is not bright for Cleveland.
Chicago Bears (Last Season: 3-13)
2017 Prediction: 4-12
Nothing says dumpster fire like a management team that is so blatantly out of sync. Besides the fact that the Bears paid an exorbitant amount of money for Mike Glennon, they also then traded an unreasonable amount of picks to move up one draft spot to grab another totally unproven quarterback, Mitchell Trubisky. This was hilarious for so many reasons. Glennon had already been named started, and he had no idea that this pick was coming (He was even invited to Soldier Field to attend the Bears draft party). He obviously would have preferred an offensive weapon or a defensive addition to help his team’s cause. However, management did not execute the obvious strategy, and instead were quick to make it clear to Glennon that he was just a temporary stop gap, so that they could eventually groom Trubisky into their starting quarterback of the future. Beyond that, Bears head coach John Fox was also apparently unaware of the plan to trade up for Trubisky until the day of the draft. The whole thing was hilarious, making me nostalgic of similarly awful draft day decisions made by the Raiders over the past 10 years or so.
Buffalo Bills (Last Season: 7-9)
2017 Prediction: 5-11
Just when things were starting to look up, this team decides to dump all of their reasonable talent, piss off their starting quarterback (who is a mediocre talent at best), and lose their only decent remaining receiving target to retirement. Here’s a fun fact, the Bills haven’t made the playoffs since 1999! For reference, the first Super Bowl I even remember watching was in 1998, when the Packers played the Broncos in Super Bowl XXXII. I did not know much about football at that point in my life, and I certainly was not aware of a team called the Buffalo Bills. Now, nearly two decades later, the Bills have gone through the wringer, having to deal with years of horrible quarterbacking, bad weather, and Patriot domination. More recently, fans have been treated to a horribly inept Rex Ryan, the dying star that is Lesean McCoy (though honestly, McCoy still shows flashes of brilliance from time to time), and an injury-prone star receiver, who is now enjoying the wonderful LA weather. The future is not bright for the Bills, as they appear to be in total rebuild mode. I guess the entire AFC East has just decided to pack it in until Brady retires.
Jacksonville Jaguars (Last Season: 3-13)
2017 Prediction: 5-11
Compared to the Bills playoff drought, the Jaguars have nothing to complain about. The Jaguars last made the playoffs in 2007, about half the length of the drought that has been going on up north in Buffalo. Though, if you’ve been a fan of the Jaguars since their inception, maybe that drought seems longer, considering the fact that the franchise has only been around since 1995. Since that time, the Jags have finished first in their division twice, back in the good old days of Fred Taylor and Jimmy Smith (1998 and 1999). Perhaps the worst part about this drought is that the AFC South has been one of the weakest divisions in the NFL since Peyton Manning’s last season in Indianapolis in 2010. Since then, the Jags have been stuck in quarterback limbo, and this year will be no different, as they choose between Chad Henne and Blake Bortles. Fournette will be an exciting addition alongside other weapons like Allen Robinson, but Fournette is hardly the answer for a team that is severely lacking offensively. Similarly, the defense is still a mediocre unit. Expect more of the same from Jacksonville this season. Their dumpster fire still burns bright!
Los Angeles Rams (Last Season: 4-12)
2017 Prediction: 5-11
We have arrived at year two of Jared Goff, and the Rams have decided to celebrate it by providing the young Cal graduate with no offensive line improvements! Hooray! That sounds like a great decision for the team that allowed the second most sacks last season (second only to the Browns). Gurley may be a great talent, but I am skeptical that he will be able to improve on his 3.2 YPC average from last year. The running game is largely a function of offensive line strength. So, without much line improvement, I don’t expect Gurley to return to his rookie form. Watkins and Cupp certainly make for solid targets for Goff, but this is still a makeshift team that needs much more experience together before they can form a cohesive offensive unit. The defense should be solid again, but with little help from their offense, I expect that unit to be on the field for a majority of the time during most games this season. I will say one thing, Sean McVay is certainly an improvement from Jeff Fisher. Though, my source is my friend who watched the Rams on Hard Knocks last season, so take my opinion of Jeff Fisher with a grain of salt.
San Francisco 49ers (Last Season: 2-14)
2017 Prediction: 6-10
Not exactly a raging dumpster fire, but a 6 win prediction is still nothing to get too excited about. This team is still deep into their rebuild, and a disinterested fanbase (due to the alienation of moving the team to Santa Clara) along with a franchise that is still searching for an identity, certainly is not helping the cause. That being said, I am 100% on the Brian Hoyer train. Two years ago, I said this about the San Francisco gunslinger:
“I actually like Brian Hoyer a lot. He played very well in Cleveland and could be just good enough to lead the Texans into the playoffs.”
Hoyer was able to win games in Cleveland, and in the following year, he was able to lead the Houston Texans to a playoff berth, even though he was benched for a few games earlier in that season. Hoyer has long been a journeyman of NFL starting jobs, and this stint in San Francisco should be more of the same. However, I think in the right offensive system (Kyle Shanahan) and with a long enough leash that gives him time to grow (let the man play out his 2 year contract!), Hoyer has the chance to succeed in this San Francisco offense. Couple that with a solid and improving young defense, and maybe this team can actually start making strides towards returning to relevancy.
