Super Bowl LIII: Prediction

After 17 weeks of regular season football and three weeks of playoff action, we have finally arrived at the big stage. Both of the Conference's #2 seeds, who were able to win their respective Conference Championship Games on the Road, will face off in Atlanta to determine who are the champions of the NFL. Super Bowl LIII is finally here.

Super Bowl LIII @ Mercedez-Benz Stadium in Atlanta, Georgia

New England Patriots (11-5) vs. Los Angeles Rams (13-3)

February 3rd, 6:30 PM ET (Current Line, Patriots -2.5)

It will be Super Bowl #9 of the Belichick/Brady Dynasty. Most fans are tired of this same old spectacle, watching one team dominate the NFL so thoroughly for nearly 20 years. However, the fans do not always get what they want, as the Patriots will once again represent the AFC in the Super Bowl. Attribute it to Belichick. Attribute it to Brady. Attribute it to conspiracies (don't actually do that). Attribute it to whatever you want. All that matters is that since 2001, when the Patriots won their first Super Bowl of this long dynastic run, New England has experienced arguably the greatest run of success in all of sports history. If it helps you sleep at night to say that the Patriots did this through cheating, then fine. But this team has not succeeded just because of a few deflated balls or a couple of well-placed video cameras. This team has simply been one step ahead of every other team in the league, at every moment of every season, for the last 18 years.

Calling this a rematch would be dishonest. The only two recognizable faces in this Super Bowl "rematch" are Belichick and Brady, and 17 years later, even their faces are far different than the ones that were represented in Super Bowl XXXVI. Back then, the Rams’ “Greatest Show on Turf” was considered an unbeatable offensive juggernaut. Warner had just one his second MVP in three seasons, and his teammate, running back Marshall Faulk, won the award the season prior. Meanwhile, the Patriots were an unknown commodity that was forced to start their young, unknown, backup quarterback, in place of their injured veteran starter, Drew Bledsoe. However, this backup quarterback was well-tested, as he had won 11 of his 14 starts during the Regular Season, and he had also won both of his playoff appearances. Still, the Patriots were getting little respect against what most assumed would be a blowout Super Bowl. Of course, it was not, as Brady and the Patriots sneakily began their dynasty with a Super Bowl XXXVI victory. Now, 17 years later, the Rams are the unheralded underdog. The Patriots are the unstoppable Goliath. The Rams have the young hotshot coach and quarterback. The Patriots have the grizzled veterans. And the Rams don't even play in St. Louis anymore.

But enough about the past, what does this year’s version of the most-watched sporting event in the country entail? Well, it features two high-powered offenses, two mediocre defenses, and two well-regarded coaches. While McVay has only been an NFL Head Coach for two seasons, what he has done in those two brief years has been impressive. However, when compared against Belichick’s career of success, McVay has done nothing. Similarly, while Jared Goff has shown the potential to be an NFL star, Brady has lived it for 18 years. So, will this be a passing of the old guard to the new, just as it seemingly was 17 years ago, or will the experience of the two men that have been here 8 times before win the day?

Prediction: The Patriots offense gets off to a horrible start, as Brady throws 2 interceptions and coughs up one fumble on their first three possessions. Fortunately, the defense is able to hold the Rams to three Zuerlein field goals off the turnovers. With two minutes left in the half, New England has the ball but trails, 12-0. Brady leads the offense on a touchdown drive to end the half, which culminates in a Sony Michel score. As both teams head into the locker room, the Rams lead by 5, 12-7. The Patriots cut further into the lead to start the second half, as a field goal brings them within 2 points. However, Los Angeles responds when they finally score their first touchdown of the game, on a short Josh Reynolds slant route. The game swings back in New England’s favor, as the Patriots score 13 unanswered points, giving them their first lead of the game, 23-19. As the game creeps later and later into the fourth quarter, the Rams are forced to get aggressive. They convert two fourth downs on their way to another touchdown, this time to Robert Woods. The Rams retake the lead, though a missed extra points keeps the score at 25-23, with 1:35 left on the clock. Brady gets the ball back with two timeouts. He is able to orchestrate masterful drive, just another in his illustrious career. New England is set up for a 39 yard field goal with 4 seconds left. Stephen Gostowski trots out onto the field in Atlanta, and nails it, as the entire world outside of New England simultaneously moans in disgust. The Patriots defeat the Rams in Super Bowl LIII, 26-25.  

Bleh! I guess the Patriots are going to win their 6th Super Bowl (but not cover the spread). Booooo! But honestly, who cares! What I want to know is, what will be the results of all those nonsense Prop bets! Well, read on to find out.

Prop Bets!

Coin Toss

Options:

Heads

Tails

Prediction: Heads

From 2009 to 2013, we had five straight Heads. In the subsequent four Super Bowls, we saw a grand run of Tails. However, in Super Bowl LII, Heads finally ended Tails' streak, cementing their place as the winning call. Now, is this the beginning of a long run of success, or just a blip in the rode of Tails’ Dynastic run? At the moment, Tails leads the all-time series 27-25. With that in mind, I’ll take Heads. Also, I just flipped a coin, as part of a pre-Super Bowl simulation, and it came up Heads, so I’m feeling extra confident.

Length of National Anthem

Options:

Over 1:47

Under 1:47

Prediction: Over

I don’t know anything about Gladys Knight. However, I expect her to milk this thing for all it’s worth. Expect this rendition of the Star Spangled Banner to be well over 1:47 (possibly over 2:00!).

First Player to Score a Touchdowns

Options:

Many

Prediction: Sony Michel (+500)

Michel is getting the best odds to be the first touchdown scorer of the game, and I agree with those odds! As I have already determined in my above prediction, he will indeed be the first touchdown scorer. .

Total Score

Options:

Over 57

Under 57

Prediction: Under

My full game prediction is above. If you can do simple math, you will be able to figure out why I am choosing the Under.

Color of liquid thrown on winning coach

Options:
Clear (Water) +220

Green/Yellow +220

Orange +400

Blue +500

Orange +750

No liquid thrown +1500
Prediction: Green/Yellow

Everybody loves that lemon/lime. I know it’s getting the best odds (along with Clear/Water), but it is also an obvious pick that I’ll gladly take at +220.

Winner of 15th Puppy Bowl

Options:

Team Fluff

Team Ruff

Prediction: Team Ruff

Team Fluff dominated this game last season. However, this team has simply not looked good since last season’s MVP, Bear went down with a season-ending knee Injury. I expect Team Ruff to take full advantage.

Well, there you have it, all my flawless predictions. So, kick back, enjoy a beer (or six), and watch the Patriots slowly and mercilessly devour our souls in Super Bowl LIII. Enjoy!