Super Bowl LIV: Predictions

It has finally arrived. The premier event of the sports year is just a couple days away. The Chiefs will look to win their first Super Bowl in 50 years, while the Niners hope to match the Steelers and Patriots for first place in total Super Bowl wins at six. So who will win Super Bowl LIV? There's only one way to find out... well, two ways actually. You can either watch the game or you can just read my predictions. Your choice. (Warning: Spoilers ahead!)

Super Bowl LIV @ Hard Rock Stadium in Miami Gardens, Florida

Kansas City Chiefs (12-4) vs. San Francisco 49ers (13-3)

February 2nd, 6:30 PM ET (Current Line, Chiefs -1.5)

In a game that has the potential to produce offensive fireworks, the Kansas City Chiefs and their explosive passing game will take on a San Francisco 49ers team that has proven to be lethal through both the air and ground. While calling the Chiefs one-dimensional may feel like an insult, it is hard to argue that the passing game is far and away the most prolific part of the team. Mahomes has arguably the best arm in the league, and he is surrounded by some of the best offensive weapons in the league. The Chiefs are all speed, and they have the ability to make any defense look absolutely ridiculous. Tyreek Hill can run by any defender. Watkins and Hardman are speedsters themselves, dwarfed only by the speed of the aforementioned Hill. Kelce draws the attention of two defenders whenever he runs across the middle of the field. And Damien Williams can make defenders miss in the backfield, whether it is after a quick dump-off pass or off of a well-designed counter-run. 

Meanwhile, the San Francisco offense may be even more potent than that of Kansas City. The Niners have decimated opponents on the ground all season, with last game’s thrashing of Green Bay being no anomaly. If it weren’t for the running prowess of Lamar Jackson, the Niners most likely would have led the league in rushing. The offensive line has been a run blocking juggernaut all season, opening massive holes for Mostert, Coleman, and Breida to speed through. And even though the passing game has not gotten as much attention as of late, the 49ers can hurt opponents through the air as well, which they demonstrated in their Week 14 win over the Saints, when Garoppolo threw for 349 yards and four touchdowns in a thrilling 48-46 victory.

But what about the defenses? Will either be able to handle the monumental tasks ahead of them? While the Chiefs and 49ers have both been a bit vulnerable against the run, they have both been more effective against the pass. Of course, the 49ers weren't simply effective against the pass this season; they were nearly unbeatable, allowing a league-leading 169 yards per game. Seeing how effective Mahomes can be against this dominating pass defense should be thrilling to watch. What I expect to be particularly interesting is the battle between the offensive line of Kansas City and the defensive line of San Francisco. The Chiefs finished third in the league in sacks allowed with 25, while the Niners finished fifth in the league with 48 quarterback sacks. Though the Chiefs have done a good job of protecting Mahomes all season, some of this may be due to the simple fact that Mahomes is great at escaping pressure. So, even if the Niners aren’t able to bring Mahomes down in the backfield, simply applying constant pressure may be enough to rattle the young QB. With regards to the ground game, the Chiefs defense has been quite more porous in that regard (26th during the regular season), something that the potent 49ers running game will certainly try to take advantage of. 

In what is expected to be such a tightly contested battle, will this game come down to the final possession? Will which quarterback who comes up with the big plays in the clutch be the deciding factor? With expectations so high for Mahomes, will he try to force the ball into tight spots when things get tough, or will he keep his cool just like he has done all season long? Could the fact that Garoppolo has lower expectations actually benefit the San Francisco quarterback? Will the running take the totality of the offensive burden off Jimmy G's shoulders? Will these two quarterbacks -- both of whom are making their first Super Bowl appearance -- produce the exciting spectacle that we all desire???

Prediction: On Mahomes’ first pass of the game, the ball pops off of Kelce’s hands, into the air and right into the waiting arms of Jimmie Ward. The Niner offense set up inside the Chiefs’ 30-yard line. Five running plays later, San Francisco scores on a Tevin Coleman run from 4 yards out. On the ensuing possession, the Chiefs are forced into a three-and-out, as Nick Bosa gets to Mahomes for a sack on third down. San Francisco blocks the punt and returns it for a touchdown, sprinting out to a 14-0 lead in the first five minutes of the game. The Chiefs are shocked awake by the rough start. They are able to tough out a long drive on their next possession, but it only results in three points. At the end of the first quarter, the score is 14-3. 

The Niners extend their lead in the second quarter on a long touchdown pass to Deebo Samuel, as San Francisco continues to roll. Another Kansas City turnover turns into another San Francisco touchdown, as Shanahan and the Niners build an insurmountable 28-3 lead. There’s no way Shanahan could blow a Super Bowl lead like this! His team is so comfortably ahead! Up by four scores, Shanahan and the Niners would have to experience a monumental collapse to let the Chiefs back into this game... 

Mahomes immediately answers with touchdown passes on back-to-back drives to end the first half, cutting the lead to 28-17 right before the break. 

Kansas City keeps the momentum in the second half, even after a long and horrible halftime show. Mahomes strikes first in the second half on a long pass to Tyreek Hill, cutting the lead to 4. Mostert fumbles the ball away on the next possession, and Mahomes responds with his fourth touchdown pass of the game, as the Chiefs take their first lead of the game, 31-28. But the lead doesn’t last long, as Breida scores on a 65-yard screen pass on the very next possession. But that lead doesn’t last long either, as Mahomes throws his fifth touchdown pass just before the end of the third quarter. Unfortunately, a missed extra point keeps the Chiefs' lead at two, 37-35. 

The lead changes continue into the fourth quarter. The Niners get a field goal to take the lead by one. The Chiefs score a touchdown (a rushing score by Mahomes) but fail on the two-point conversion. When the dust finally begins to settle, the Niners have the ball with 2:35 to go, down by five points. Our dream Super Bowl scenario is upon us, as Garoppolo must score on the final drive of the game to win it for the Niners. The Niners come up with big play after big play, as they eventually find themselves with 3rd and goal from the 6-yard line with only four seconds remaining. San Francisco runs a bootleg to the right. No one is open, and Garoppolo is quickly running out of time and space. Just before he steps out of bounds, he desperately zips the ball across his body, looking for Emmanuel Sanders at the Goal Line. However, the ball is tipped away… and off of a defender’s helmet… and off the fingertips of Kendrick Bourne... and into the waiting hands of GEORGE KITTLE. Kittle makes the catch with no time remaining, as the 49ers win Super Bowl LIV, 44-43.

Wow. What an unbelievable finish. A Super Bowl for the ages. No amount of Mahomes magic (six total touchdowns!) is enough to topple the 49ers. Sorry to spoil the ending for you, but I just couldn’t keep it to myself any longer! I’m nervously shaking just from typing this out! Wow. Just wow. Anyways… I know what you’re thinking… what about all those stupid prop bets? Do you have any advice on those? You better believe I do! My ironclad predictions continue below.

Coin Toss

Options:

Heads

Tails

Prediction: Tails

Tails currently leads the all-time series with a record of 28-25. No reason to question that record of success. However, just to be sure, I decided to run a highly complicated simulation to determine the most likely coin toss outcome. Based on an algorithm that analyzed the results of over 100 Million coin tosses, I have determined that the most likely coin toss result is Tails. 

Length of National Anthem

Options:

Over 2:00

Under 2:00 

Prediction: Over

I’m going to look up who’s singing the national anthem. Hold on. One second. Almost got it. Ahhh, Demi Lovato. I know her. She does that one song, right? It goes like, “Dun dun dun, Why you gotta go and make things so complicated? Blah blah blah blah.” Right? I totally know who this is. I guess I’ll go with the over? Sure. Whatever.

First Player to Score a Touchdowns

Options:

Many

Prediction: Tevin Coleman (14-1)

I like the odds on Coleman since he is kinda hurt but not really. Gives him some good value. Also, I already know what’s going to happen during the game, and based on my above predictions, Coleman hits paydirt first in this Super Bowl. 

Total Score

Options:

Over 54.5

Under 54.5

Prediction: Over

My full game prediction is above. If you can do simple math, you will be able to figure out that 87 is far greater than 54.5.

Color of liquid thrown on winning coach

Options:

Lime/Green/Yellow (+275)

Red/Pink (+300)

Clear/Water (+300)

Orange (+400)

Blue (+400)

Purple (+1400)

Prediction: Red/Pink

Uhhh… both teams have red uniforms. I’m going with red. No question.

Celebrity Appearance During Halftime Show

Options:

Pitbull: Yes (-700)/No (+400)

Will Smith: Yes (+300)/No (-500)

Enrique Iglesias: Yes (+500)/No (-1000)

Ricky Martin: Yes (-140)/No (+100)

DJ Khaled: Yes (+130)/No (-170)

Prediction: If Pitbull doesn’t make an appearance in what should be an absolutely brutal halftime show, I’ll eat my hat.

Super Bowl MVP

Options: 

Many

Prediction: Jimmy Garoppolo (+350)

Well, I’m predicting a 49ers victory, so may as well take Jimmy G at these awesome odds. That being said, I also predict that Mahomes accounts for SIX total touchdowns. Is it possible for Mahomes to win the MVP while playing on the losing team...?

Winner of 16th Puppy Bowl

Options:

Team Fluff (-140)

Team Ruff (EVEN)

Prediction: Team Ruff

Somehow Team Fluff is 7.5 point favorites this year, even though Team Ruff DESTROYED them in last year’s competition. I’m gonna stick with Team Ruff again. They went undefeated during the regular season, so there is really no reason to think that will change in the 16th Puppy Bowl.

Well, there you have it, all my flawless predictions. The San Francisco 49ers grab Super Bowl number six in the most exciting finish in the 54 year history of the NFL’s biggest game. It’s only fitting that they would do this during the Raiders’ last season in the Bay Area. I guess it will make it easier for me and all the other Oakland Raider fans to convert to 49er fans...